God again came to my rescue as I fell deep into depression. I received relief watching a movie with this prayer (from the movie ‘Hoovey’);
“In the name of our Father who gives us life, and his son who gives us eternal life, and the Holy Spirit for which all life flows, we surrender all - And we give all.”
I literally cried throughout the movie as I “happened” across it at a time my spirit needed refueling. - !NOT! !! I did not JUST “HAPPEN” across this movie!! The movie was just the message I needed to break my depression. I needed to see this movie at this time and it was meant to be that I “Happened” across this movie. It was God!
Another heart felt (deep into my soul) line from the movie was “Bad things happen - what makes a man is what you do with it.” And the last line from the movie that moved me was “Believing makes it possible - Faith makes it real.”
Before God pulled me out of the depression, I used my hurt feelings to create the song ‘Thankful for my pain’ which came to me on Saturday December 11th, 2021 when I was extremely depressed. In fact perhaps the lowest time in my entire life. The truth is if it was not for my faith in God I do not believe I could get through what has happened in my life.
When my mother passed in 2018 there was a lot of drama and I walked away from my family - Including my sisters. I had already lost all but two of my kids at that point. Today I have one child left who could be left to deal in this world alone before all is done. I lost two step children before their mother died and one at a time after their mother passed in 2013 - AND I so loved being “Dad”. I will leave it to God to judge those who caused my kids to be orphaned while I am still alive. But God is good so let it be known - I forgive each and every single one of them. And I believe that God, along with other things in life that hurt, will end up using this situation to cause them too to be saved. Praise be to God!
But with regards to the timing of losing all but one of my kids; The first one after their moms death was in 2014 after a major blow out causing her to set out to get all the rest to turn on me. The next one, who I would have never believed anything could come between us, started to pull away in 2014. In 2016 I lost her completely. In 2017 I lost another. The losses are the result of gossip and no one willing to hear my side or the truth. I almost lost my baby in 2020 but did lose another I would have never believed I would ever lose in 2021.
Like this song starts “I’ve got good reason to be depressed” But I am not. Praise God! And I continue to give it to God.
It was at my mother’s death that I decided to morn the loss as if everyone died so I could get past it. But to this day I still hurt for the loss of my kids. I decided to try to capture my pain in this song. I turned on the recording equipment and just started releasing through the piano and the chord structure happened. Then, with prayer, I added lyrics and 90% of the song was captured in one day. The next day I added more back up vocals and mixed it down.
The first two lines are the only two I kept from the original lyrics I spewed out because the lyrics were way too dark. I kept praying for a message that would help others in pain or dealing with depression. I truly am thankful for my pain but I wrote this song as a result of deep depression setting in. I had to pray for help to get back into the peaceful place I usually find myself in. Despite all the attacks I have had to endure in my life I am usually at peace because of my relationship with God. And through the years my pain helped me choose to do things that brought me closer to God.
The movie Hoovey crossed my path on the day I finished uploading the song ‘Thankful For My Pain’ to this website and linking it to all pages. The entire process took four days. And the process hurt me deep in my soul until God rescued me. Thank you for everything you are God!
God continues to show anyone who will look and listen how real and in control he is.
God be with you all!
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